WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an escalation of his spat with Roy Cooper, the Democratic governor of North Carolina, Donald Trump is demanding that the 2020 Republican National Convention relocate from Charlotte to Moscow.
“North Carolina has been difficult every step of the way, and meanwhile Moscow has always been very helpful to me,” Trump wrote, in one of a series of early-morning tweets.
Additionally, Trump argued, moving the R.N.C. to Moscow would save the Republicans millions in airfare. “The most important people working on our 2020 campaign will already be there,” he tweeted.
Finally, he claimed, Moscow boasts far better accommodations than “that sad city of losers, Charlotte.”
“I have fantastic memories of the Moscow Ritz,” Trump wrote.