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More Activities That Penguins Have Been Permitted During Lockdown

OtherMore Activities That Penguins Have Been Permitted During Lockdown

A group of the flightless birds were recently allowed to roam the halls of Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium—a through-the-looking-glass moment if there ever was one. Now, penguins visited a museum for a “morning of fine art and culture. The outing was arranged by the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City, Mo., and the Kansas City Zoo. Both institutions are closed to the public because of the pandemic.—NPR

Two penguins went to the beach and talked to a dolphin about how weird it was that someone took them to a museum.

Three penguins were allowed admission to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, in Cleveland, after Jann Wenner lifted the animals’ lifetime ban, claiming that “petty grudges must be cast aside during these uncertain times.” (One of the penguins supposedly embarrassed Wenner in front of Linda Ronstadt at an East Village party, in 1979.)

One penguin went to a coffee shop to work on its book proposal, but the vibe wasn’t quite right and it had a lot of e-mails to respond to, anyway.

One penguin got drinks with someone it had never actually liked before the pandemic and said, “I just miss this, you know?” four times.

One penguin waddled down the flight of stairs from “Joker.”

One penguin was allowed to go to the barbershop to get a haircut, which forced the penguin into the crushing realization that it had generously inflated the memory of its pre-quarantine personal appearance, when the haircut did not have as transformative an effect as expected.

Two penguins went on a date to a concert. They got tired during the opening act and went home.

One penguin took a picture of a bunch of other penguins not social-distancing and posted it online.

One mentally fatigued penguin was allowed to come to a halting stop in front of a park bench and say “I just need a minute” to no one in particular.

A penguin walked into a bar. That’s it. That’s the joke.

A male penguin wasted a female penguin’s one day outside of the aquarium by talking to her about the new Bob Dylan album.

Three penguins went to a baseball game. In the fifth inning, one of them said, “I think I’d rather watch ice melt,” and they all laughed, but then silence fell over the group as individually they thought about how, much like baseball’s grasp on America’s attention span, the polar ice caps from which they came are slipping away at a pace more rapid than anybody wants to acknowledge.

One penguin went to a SoulCycle class at which the instructor was a little too forward.

One father penguin got to walk around Home Depot, and the second he got a whiff of that weird Home Depot smell his little penguin tail started to wag uncontrollably.

One penguin taught itself to play chess on its phone during quarantine and then got absolutely crushed when it played an actual other penguin in the park.

Four penguins went to yoga and it was exactly as adorable as you’d imagine.

Two penguins walked down Fourteenth Street. One of them shook its head and said, “New York’s changed,” and the other knowingly replied, “Mm-hmm,” but neither provided any context, and both moved there in 2015, so, honestly, what are they even talking about?

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